No Interpersonal Revelations

Responses to my Post on The Apologetic Professor

Continuing my strange compulsion to toot my own horn today, the following are responses to my recent article on The Apologetic Professor.

"Very clear & to the point. You came across as trying to educate those that may not understand and not berating them for what they believe in."

"Something I have always been thinking, but you have found a really succinct way of putting it. Really was an excellent read. It doesn't come across as adversarial or arrogant. slow clap."

"Thoughtful and not overstated."

"After reading this, I felt compelled  to subscribe to your blog. It is people like you, and many others here on + that have made me proud to believe the way I believe. For too long, we were made to feel like outcasts and "weirdos". Now we are empowered and continue to be enlightened because of people like you.

This article came in handy when my sister-in-law's niece (Oliva) called and said that she was extremely frustrated by a conversation she had during high school lunch, She said a girl had asked her what church she went to and she said " I don't do church." I suppose this opened up the door for the billions of questions from the ignorant (not in an insulting way, but ignorant in a sense of not understanding and not WANTING to understand even after asking the questions). She said the girl asked what she did when she was having a bad day. Olivia politely told the girl that she listens to music to unwind and then let it go. She said the girl was appalled that she didn't pray. Then she was asked, "Well do you Atheist go to church?" She answered, slightly irritated at this point, "Uh no, atheism is not a religion, it is a term to simply state that one does not believe in God or Gods." Then the nail in this girl's cross was her final judgmental, stereotyping statement,"I didn't think black people didn't believe in god, especially women." Olivia said she then looked at the girl with true pity and responded very maturely for a 16 year old. Olivia responded, 'In my opinion, women and blacks should be the highest numbers of nonbelievers. The bible shows women no respect and expects them to be seen and not heard. During slavery, European slave masters used christianity and the bible to instill fear in the African slaves to keep them in line and keep them from trying/wanting to escape." The girl accused her of making things up to support her belief in the devil. Olivia said she was frustrated but remembered me telling her a long time ago that you can't bring logic and independent thought to a bible fight. I told Olivia that she did the right thing and it would be okay. I told her that even though I don't know what it is like to be a "black nonbeliever" I know what it is to be a nonbeliever and treated like scum of the earth."

Nice story, eh? It was by a new friend who you'll be hearing from again. She wishes to stay anonymous so I shall hereafter refer to her as Kitty, in honor of my favorite X-Man (X-Woman?) Kitty Pryde.

The Last Word

If you are a regular visitor to this blog, it’s a pretty safe assumption that you have an interest in at least one of the two most polarizing topics of conversation--religion or politics. Really, the only way to heat up a conversation faster is with sincere “yo’ mamma” jokes. I try to keep the dialogue civil and keep up the appearances of a meeting of open minds...but let’s not kid ourselves. Arguments are battles. It’s perfectly natural for us to want to win. It’s a desire that, at times, even clouds our judgement.

Simply being aware of this aspect of the human conditon can offset it, but only to a point. To get me the rest of the way to fairly assessing my opponents’ points, I’ve started ending debates with an admission of sorts. If I’ve learned anything new, I let them know. Not only that, I let them know in the order that they would want to hear it. For example, if they actually offered an argument that makes me think the possibility of a deity is just a little more likely then before, I’ll point that out. If they corrected a flaw in an argument I use, I’ll admit to it and assure them I will no longer use the faulty argument. If they bring to light a novel way of looking at things, even if this way doesn't change my mind about anything, I will still offer whatever praise I can for originality. And if all I can commend is my opponent’s friendly disposition, then I will do so.

Examples of general phrases to end a positive exchange with another human being:

Thanks for the conversation, you are a congenial voice for your worldview. I hope to chat with you again.

I feel better about Christianity/Islam/Hinduism/Magic: The Gathering now than I did prior to our talk.

Gosh, you're swell.

You get the picture. Truth be told, I get to use these closers more often than not. Many religions pride themselves on brotherhood and non-confrontational missionary work and it shows. Your results may very, especially if you tend to engage trolls.

Still, they can't all be winners. Some people are too passionate about their faith to have a calm conversation with someone who isn't seeing things as they do. Others are going through a type of cognitive dissonance which makes them so uncomfortable they attempt to make it stop by sabotaging the debate. In poker, we call this going on tilt. A player gets mad about a bad beat and starts to play sloppy--this can quickly end a game by, most often, the tilted player losing all his money, or the tilted player gets lucky with their erratic behavior and hits big--taking the other player out of the game. The "tilted" debater can force the same two outcomes by either descending into irrational name calling or prompting a similar reaction from you. My advice? Don't return crazy with crazy. Diffuse the argument with a simple closer and move on. Atheists have a bad enough wrap as it is without more of us throwing around f-bomb laced ad hominems.

Examples of general phrases to end a negative exchange with another human being:

I understand your frustration. I'll think about what you've offered, please consider thinking about what I've offered. (this works even if you have no intention of thinking about their argument further.)

At least we can agree that one of us is right. (I like ending this with a winking emoticon.)

God bless. (Sure, you don't believe in God, but they do. This may or may not be said mockingly depending on your nature, and may or may not be taken as mocking depending on theirs.)