Friday, January 4, 2013

Seventh Day Revisions

Resting for an omnipotent being seems odd to me--especially for one who apparently didn’t do anything with His eternal life up until the book of Genesis. It’s one of the many (many, many) reasons I don’t accept the bible at face value. This got me thinking...what could the bible say about that 7th day to make the story just a little more believable? I’ll give it a shot. Update your holy books, Christians, you can thank me later.
  • On the 7th day, God went off his medication.
  • On the 7th day, God planted fossils to cover his tracks.
  • On the 7th day, God created a talking snake to undermine his plans.
  • On the 7th day, God developed multiple personality disorder.
  • On the 7th day, God adds defective genes, unused biology, occasional congenital diseases and birth defects, and other design flaws to his creations.
  • On the 7th day, God establishes a place of eternal torment to send those who refuse to believe he is a loving god.
  • On the 7th day, God created narcissists and sociopaths in his image.
  • On the 7th day, God gave man the imagination to come up with crazy notions like, well, gods.
  • On the 7th day, God rested...and every day thereafter. Amen.
Have a 7th day revision of your own? Add it in the comments!

7 comments:

  1. I have to admit, your revisions answer a lot of nagging questions about the Bible!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "On the 7th day, God created a talking snake to undermine his plans."

    So he was bored and decided that a superhero needs an archenemy? lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the only conclusion I can come to.

      Delete
  3. Great revisions! Here's mine:

    "On the 7th day, God got a girlfriend, and suddenly became a lot less interested in the whole human project."

    ReplyDelete
  4. On the 7th day, God got burned out from overwork and quit his job. The temp agency still gets him occasional gigs appearing on pieces of toast.

    ReplyDelete