Friday, January 4, 2013

Seventh Day Revisions

Resting for an omnipotent being seems odd to me--especially for one who apparently didn’t do anything with His eternal life up until the book of Genesis. It’s one of the many (many, many) reasons I don’t accept the bible at face value. This got me thinking...what could the bible say about that 7th day to make the story just a little more believable? I’ll give it a shot. Update your holy books, Christians, you can thank me later.
  • On the 7th day, God went off his medication.
  • On the 7th day, God planted fossils to cover his tracks.
  • On the 7th day, God created a talking snake to undermine his plans.
  • On the 7th day, God developed multiple personality disorder.
  • On the 7th day, God adds defective genes, unused biology, occasional congenital diseases and birth defects, and other design flaws to his creations.
  • On the 7th day, God establishes a place of eternal torment to send those who refuse to believe he is a loving god.
  • On the 7th day, God created narcissists and sociopaths in his image.
  • On the 7th day, God gave man the imagination to come up with crazy notions like, well, gods.
  • On the 7th day, God rested...and every day thereafter. Amen.
Have a 7th day revision of your own? Add it in the comments!

6 comments:

  1. I have to admit, your revisions answer a lot of nagging questions about the Bible!

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  2. "On the 7th day, God created a talking snake to undermine his plans."

    So he was bored and decided that a superhero needs an archenemy? lol

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  3. Great revisions! Here's mine:

    "On the 7th day, God got a girlfriend, and suddenly became a lot less interested in the whole human project."

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  4. On the 7th day, God got burned out from overwork and quit his job. The temp agency still gets him occasional gigs appearing on pieces of toast.

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