Does the Bible Represent an Omniscient God?

I've previously posted as to why an omniscient God makes no sense, but theists continue to claim that the Lord is all-knowing. I assumed they came to this belief from the Bible, but now I'm not so sure.

Let's look at the story of Abraham and Isaac. Abe is commanded by God to sacrifice his son Isaac to prove his faith and obedience to the Lord. Abe moves ahead with the order preparing for the ritual killing and just before he lights his kid on fire, the Almighty says...

“Do not lay a hand on the boy. Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son. ” 

Genesis 22 : 12 New International Version 

God knows now, meaning he didn't know then. If God knew then, why the charade of testing Abraham in the first place?

So where did the idea of omniscience come from, if not the Bible? Well...it still kinda came from the Bible. This is one of it's less publicized contradictions, even in the atheist community. The two passages that claim omniscience, according to About.com, are from Psalm and Isaiah. Let's check them out.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 

Psalm 139:2-6 New International Version

I've read emo-school-girl poetry more interesting than this. This Psalm is clearly not the word of the Lord, it's a poem to the Lord. Surely the Genesis bit is more telling of God's superpowers, it is a direct quote, after all.

13 Who can fathom the Spirit of the Lord, or instruct the Lord as his counselor?
14 Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge, or showed him the path of understanding? 

Isaiah 40:13-14 New International Version

Again, this is someone other than God talking about God. In fact, this guy's just asking questions. Rather good questions, actually. I'm guessing the answer is supposed to be "no one" meaning that God is omniscient, but I see these as skeptical questions that show another paradox of God's nature.

So there you have it, a couple believer's musings are the foundation for God's omniscience while the Lord acknowledges his own blind spot in regards to Abraham. How the hell is the Biblical take away an all-knowing deity? I don't get it.

Omnicritical

By most accounts, God is pretty awesome. Maybe too awesome, and here’s why.

He’s omnipresent. God’s everywhere. He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good...wait, I may be confusing him with someone else. The main confusion for me here is, in Christianity at least, Jesus is God. It says so in the Bible. Colossians 2:9 “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form.” How can a physical person be everywhere at once? Not even the Flash can do that and he’s, like, really fast.

He’s omniscient. God knows what it is like to learn even though he has always known everything and has never needed to learn. He knew about you before you were born. He knew before humanity was born. He knows our future, so there can’t be free will. There’s also no reason to pray, seeing how there is nothing you can tell him that he doesn’t already know and nothing you can ask of him that he doesn’t already know you desire. Confessions? Pointless. You were brought into this world predestined to live happily forever or be cast off into everlasting torture. Since the future is already written by God, there’s nothing we can do about it.

He’s omnipotent. God is all powerful. He can create a weight so heavy that even he can’t lift it...wait. He can’t lift it? That doesn’t sound omnipotent. With omnipotence comes all the paradoxes of your favorite time-travel fiction. The faithful say that God has built in fail safes for this sort of thing. God wouldn’t want to do anything that limits his power, yet his will to not act, in this case, is the limit to his power. God apparently can’t sin either because...

He’s omnibenevolent. God’s a super nice guy. His benevolence isn’t by choice, it's his very nature. The same supreme morality that is supposedly ingrained in us, is God's nature. God is the ultimate Hippocratic Oath--do no harm...except when God is being a hypocrite, of course. God killed individuals, cities, and most of the planet on separate occasions in the Bible. The faithful say these were sinners who were killed, but they also say we are all sinners. We should watch our back. If you believe Genesis, you either believe God created a talking snake for the purpose of tempting Eve--making God not omnibenevolent, or the devil found a loop-hole in God’s plan--which would be another reason God isn't omnipotent.

He’s omnitemporal. God isn’t just everywhere, he’s everywhen. He’s even when there wasn’t whens and where there weren’t wheres--like before space and time were created in the Big Bang. Chronologically, God pre-dated dates. “Omni” doesn’t even cover it. He’s ultratemporal, maybe even superdupertemporal.

He’s omnipatient. Defined as “able to endure all things,” it isn’t a trait many believers mention, but God surely has this in his omni-toolbelt. If God didn’t have this get out of boredom free card, he would certainly go insane. Eternity is a long time to micromanage. In fact, since humans have eternal souls, we will need omnipatience as well if we are expected to enjoy heaven or remain aware in hell. It better be in my afterlife welcome bag.

Any of this sound crazy to you? Good. If there is a god, and that's a big if, he/she/it can't be the idealized deity many believe in today. There are enough contradictions and paradoxes within the omnis to disprove a perfect god, without even bringing up the problem of evil. But who are we kidding? I'll still bring it up...next time.