- On the 7th day, God went off his medication.
- On the 7th day, God planted fossils to cover his tracks.
- On the 7th day, God created a talking snake to undermine his plans.
- On the 7th day, God developed multiple personality disorder.
- On the 7th day, God adds defective genes, unused biology, occasional congenital diseases and birth defects, and other design flaws to his creations.
- On the 7th day, God establishes a place of eternal torment to send those who refuse to believe he is a loving god.
- On the 7th day, God created narcissists and sociopaths in his image.
- On the 7th day, God gave man the imagination to come up with crazy notions like, well, gods.
- On the 7th day, God rested...and every day thereafter. Amen.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Seventh Day Revisions
Resting for an omnipotent being seems odd to me--especially for one who apparently didn’t do anything with His eternal life up until the book of Genesis. It’s one of the many (many, many) reasons I don’t accept the bible at face value. This got me thinking...what could the bible say about that 7th day to make the story just a little more believable? I’ll give it a shot. Update your holy books, Christians, you can thank me later.
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I have to admit, your revisions answer a lot of nagging questions about the Bible!
ReplyDelete"On the 7th day, God created a talking snake to undermine his plans."
ReplyDeleteSo he was bored and decided that a superhero needs an archenemy? lol
It's the only conclusion I can come to.
DeleteGreat revisions! Here's mine:
ReplyDelete"On the 7th day, God got a girlfriend, and suddenly became a lot less interested in the whole human project."
This is my favorite one :)
DeleteOn the 7th day, God got burned out from overwork and quit his job. The temp agency still gets him occasional gigs appearing on pieces of toast.
ReplyDelete