Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The Nicene Creed

The Nicene Creed is a profession of faith that is recited by Catholics every single mass. I have included it below, with my two cents, of course.

I believe in one God,
the Father almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all things visible and invisible. <- Invisible is his speciality.
I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the Only Begotten Son of God,
born of the Father before all ages.
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God, <- So...there's two true Gods now?
begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father;  <- Consubstantial is a made up word.
through him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation
he came down from heaven,
and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, <- Bow chicka wow wow.
and became man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, <- Never knew why they singled out PP.
he suffered death and was buried,
and rose again on the third day
in accordance with the Scriptures. <- Fulfilled prophecy is the Bible proving the Bible.
He ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory
to judge the living and the dead
and his kingdom will have no end. <- An infinite dictatorship.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son,
who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified, <- Sure this is monotheism?
who has spoken through the prophets. <-They may have misspelled "profits" here.
I believe in one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.
I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins <- Even those sins can be forgiven later too.
and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead <- The Walking Dead on AMC.
and the life of the world to come. Amen.

It's a longish creed, granted, but what really gets me is that they need to be reminded of what they believe every Sunday. I've been to a variety of Catholic churches now and when the priest starts reciting this creed, he reads it. When the congregation chants it with him, 80% of them take the card next to their bibles to read it back. Only about 10% have it memorized. The last 10% are either mumbling along or asleep.

Don't take my word for it, go to church. If you can't stomach the hypocrisy, check this photo I took recently during the Creed-read. I'm just glad my religious belief can be summed up with a "non-of-the-above."


  1. Ugh. Catholic mass and arbitrary dogma. I'm having flashbacks of my miserable Catholic days.

    "... I look forward to the resurrection of the dead."

    Me too! We can go zombie hunting together when the Second Coming arrives.

  2. "and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, <- Bow chicka wow wow."

    I must confess; I lol'd.

  3. So the Catholic Church pioneered porno music? Who knew?? Oh, and second that, Ahab; I'll finally have an excuse for my sword collection!

  4. I wasn't following your blog yet or I would have posted my *lol* at "Invisible is his speciality." Yep. Likes to make everything come out no different from if he'd never existed too